MY THANKSGIVING LETTER

On my way to the train station after a visit to my friends, it never occurred to me this would be the day, the day my God had set aside for you to come into my world. Wow! you were tall just the way I liked it and your smile was so bright it lite up inside my heart, your voice was so unique and so pleasant, I just couldn't stop myself from falling for you. Yes, it was definitely Love at first sight and you were my very own, my heart, my all. We began our journey and although the road was rough, our love was so so strong it made the road silky smooth. 

God blessed us so so much with miniature versions of ourselves. We began to grow and to teach them that same love we shared and God was with us all the way. My heart ,you taught me so much, you taught me to be still in all situations and to trust God no matter what. You also taught me never to give up, that was why I believed in my heart that just maybe the hospital will call with fresh news that you were alive again. But I got to understand that our ways are not God's ways. My heart hurts that you are no more and that the only way to physically feel you is to clench unto your shirt tightly and smell you. Hmmmmmmmmm!! God you know best. As you go on this final journey, I bid you farewell. Though those words alone hurt but I know this too shall pass because you taught me that too. You would say to me "don't worry iyawo mi atata(my precious wife), you will be alright babes". I miss you and love you forever. Thank you for the best 13years together, for the beautiful babies and for loving me so much regardless of my flaws. Rest In Peace my baby. I will forever love you....... 

Reading this brought back memories with a chill. Wow! 12 months has passed on so soon, still I am struggling to believe it. I sat down on the 8th of September 2012 through pain, sadness, confusion, anger and tears to put my feelings to paper. It sure has been one very challenging, yet purposeful journey and God never left my side in-fact He became more visible to me than ever. With each passing day, the thoughts of my dear husband became much stronger and I found myself talking about him to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen I guess it was healing for me. Each time I spoke of him, it was as though he was standing right by my side and I was introducing him to the person I was speaking to and although he is gone, his memories are very much present and I thank God for this great gift. 

It's amazing how pretty much everything around me  began to remind me of 'Demo', most especially the kids. As each day went by, I could see my husband in them either in their words or actions and no day went by that we didn't discuss daddy. I would sit in my room often times and cry on behalf of my babies because daddy was no longer in their life and this broke me down so much. But my babies would encourage me that everything would be ok and although I explained my feelings to their understanding yet only I and God truly understood how I was feeling.  One particular day, my little princess said, "mummy, do you know you are so strong you can carry a house?". Hearing this, made me laugh so much and gave me comfort knowing i was able to show her strength through putting my trust in God. And with my son, I could see so much resemblance in him and with each passing day he displayed such maturity literally stepping into the role of the 'man of the house'. 

And as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, God helped me get used to Demola's absence and helped me understand that although everyone seemed to be getting on with life, Demo was very much missed and remembered a great deal. With a heavy heart I began asking God to divert my focus away from the pain and more towards Him. I was eager to find out from God what He expects of me on this journey and God made me understand that all He wants from me is total commitment to His work and knowing this gave me a sense of relief and healing. The challenge I faced was struggling to understand how God expects me to work for Him in my state of mind and with my pretty mixed up emotions. God took care of that too and raised a great support system for me through my in-laws, family, friends, church and even at my place of work. He was constantly around me making sure His daughter was ok. Some days I would just cry and cry because of the never ending WHYs and the WHAT IFs but then God always made sure my support systems were at the other end of the phone  or sitting by me. I am so thankful to Him for His grace, love and most of all His strength because it has carried me through.

My Journey Onwards: 

I look at my life line and I owe it to God and with that I made the decision with the help of God to detach myself one day at a time away from the pain, and in the process God made me understand that if I was to carry on with the work He has for me, I must be willing to let go of the pain that gripped me so much and the fear garment I was clothed in and to trust Him. I also had to quit wanting answers to some nagging questions but to just obey him and although this began to take place, it sure was with a lot of struggle. And when i cry, i still hold on to God knowing its okay to cry but I mustn't drown myself in my tears but I must move swiftly because I still have work to do.I thank God a great deal for this journey and know that its by his grace that I stand and although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone In deed i have seen myself grow through it. I know now that with issues i have no control of, i must simply trust in the one who knows all. 

A word of encouragement 

Wherever you find yourself be thankful, wherever possible make a difference no matter how small and in all your doings work hard and with a pure heart.  

Although there are no guarantees in life, however with God, we are guaranteed HOPE and a second chance because he takes all your experiences and recycles them to bring something great out of us.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

A HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Growing up I remember my father to be a very strict man and although he had a fun side to him, he also never allowed anyone mess with us. I recollect a particular incident that occurred on the play grounds of my primary school, i forget what age i was then. A boy my age made me cry so badly i believe he was picking on me and so after school when daddy came to get me, I narrated my ordeal to him and Instantly i could see the anger on my fathers face although he tried not to be obvious. The following morning, when daddy dropped me off to school, as usual he walked with me to the play ground and instructed that I point the culprit out to him. Unfortunately for the boy who happen to be playing on the playground at that point in time, daddy took me by my hands and walked in the direction of the boy and on getting there i listened as daddy gave him some good telling off ..." that's my little girl stay away from her"..wow my HERO he was fighting my corner how proud I felt to have a father like  him.

A father's role is to first love his children and as they develop in life teach them about God and the issues of life whilst instilling discipline in them.  I for one am not of the believe that  our children's up bringing is solely the responsibility of the mother, however under our current status i know God is in it with us.

Isaiah 54:13

"All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children."

I thank God for the kind of  father he blessed me with, it is because of his love, teachings and discipline that I have become who I am today. When my son was 4, he would watch daddy do so many great things and often wanted to tag along. An example was the way he played on the PS games along with friends and he craved to be a part of it however he had a lot of learning to do. As he became older he was then able to share in the fun with daddy and although my son always tried hard to beat his teacher at the game. With pride i look at how grown up my son had become, Initially I was worried about the kids after daddy had returned back to God, however God had strengthen them so much to my amazement they matured so fast, they were constantly worried about mummy and wanted mummy to be okay. My son had stepped into his father's place constantly making sure myself and min-me were doing okay, again something daddy had taught him. 

This Father's Day is so different, although we have been blessed with great memories but my heart is in great pain knowing daddy is no more still I must hold unto to God. I called the kids together and i asked how they felt about attending church on fathers day, they  both weren't too keen on the idea very much which is understandable so I have  decided that we will celebrate fathers day like we usually do although in daddy's absence.  We will celebrate the fact that God brought daddy our way and he was indeed a blessing to us and also celebrate my teenage son for been such a wonderful, caring and supportive young man. In the middle of our discussion, i get side tracked for a moment and wished daddy was here to see how grown up his son was and to be proud that his little boy was turning into a great man of God. By default, we have been authorized by God to step into the role of a father, although not under the circumstances that we would have liked it and not forgetting that it is particularly not the easiest of all jobs to do on your own, however he has assured us that we can do all things because of his strength within us (Philippians 4:13) and so we must take on this tasks diligently and ensure we listen as we make these key ingredients a part of our daily lives.

GENUINE LOVE

Our children need so much Love from us, I know it's not so easy. At times I find myself yelling in frustration and my babies will calm me down by telling me they understand why I have the  grumpies and they will reassure me that everything will be okay. Instantly I thank God for their life's indeed  they are a heritage from the Lord.(Psalm 127:3-5)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4)Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7) it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

DISCIPLINE

It is very important that we discipline our children for our peace in the future and for their reward in the kingdom of God and their own contributions to the society.

Proverbs 3:11-12

11) My son, do not hate the Lord's training. Do not object when He corrects you.

12) The Lord trains those He loves. He is like a father; who trains the son he is pleased with." 

Proverbs 13:24

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him disciplines him promptly."

TEACH

We are responsible for teaching our children on ethics, mannerism, responsibility and how to handle situations. As leaders we must lead by our own examples.

Deuteronomy 6: 4-9

4) Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one; 

5) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

6) These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 

7) Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

8) Tie them as symbols on  hands and bind them on your foreheads. 

9) Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.

TIME

Create and spend time with your kids they will remember this for life, although you are now solely responsible for providing for them however do not put in all the extra hours at work and party all night at the expense of yours and their future.

Ephesians 5:15-17

15) Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

16 ) making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

17) Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Finally do not be afraid because our father has promised us that we are for great signs and wonder but we must be obedient and do our part and then watch God keep his promise.

Dear father, 

Your Word says you will be a father to the fatherless and so we come before you today in humility and neediness to ask you to fulfill your promises in the life's of our dear children for their own benefits and for the relief and benefits of us mothers. Many widows go to bed at night overwhelmed and exhausted and hardly able to sleep with their minds working overtime and their stress levels at a high as they take on the work and responsibilities of a father and a mother, please lord do remember your promises to give us  rest. 

I pray for our growing teenagers who are trying to find their place, who battle with so much peer pressure and perhaps do no know how to speak to mummy because she may not understand. Lord secure their salvation and fill their hearts with your scriptures and relief them of any pain or anger they feel and light up their paths so they me see you more as they step into the purpose you have for their lives. 
Thank you lord for answered prayers.

LIFE LINE

When my sister got back from work, the usual 'how was your day' questions rolled in. "Oh, fine", she responded with a bit of excitement as she narrated the events that took place on the training course she had attended. LIFE LINE she said; "what's that?" I asked curiously,. Well basically its a career self assessment  task that involves you charting out your life's experiences from birth and it includes both the good and not so good experiences of  your life. And although some of these experiences pull us in one direction whilst others may have caused us to resist move in the opposite direction, however, all of these experiences have attributed in shaping who we have become today. Although its a career self assessment task, I became increasingly excited and was willing to adapt it to my life and so I proceeded to pencil it in on my to-do list for the following day.


And so I  began with 20 mini squares and proceeded to making a list of people, places, and events that have been important in shaping my life, with pictorial illustrations to show the events that had occurred in certain periods and with my final square illustrated in a bright colour block to show a brighter tomorrow. After putting it all together, it was time to take stock when suddenly I felt a cloud of deep sadness settle upon me. I looked at all the challenges I had faced as I became a pillar of salt and I struggled to see past all these events and a stinking thinking took hold of my mind.  Now with the passing of my dear husband added unto my LIFE LINE, I became increasingly unhappy.  As my countenance changed, I became grumpy again and fear appeared. My thoughts were beginning  to drown me like quick sand but again God Showed up and  reeled me back in and connected me to the main reason why I decided to draw up my LIFE LINE. I wanted to see how far I had come in life, the lessons I had learnt, the impacts I have made and to the progress I am still making. God drew my attention to Isaiah 43:1 "But now, this is what the Lord says He who created you, He who formed you, LAYO “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine". And so since God is aware of my LIFE LINE, He definitely has a beautiful plan ahead. As that clicked in, I relaxed my countenance.

Although on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart for us and our LIFE LINE reveals we have been dealt with far more than we can handle, still God is aware and He is making it all new for us.  And with every passing day I am assured that all of my pains and your pains the Lord has taken care of.

 Looking on at my LIFE LINE yet again from another angle, I was instantly filled with gratitude knowing that throughout my LIFE LINE, God carried me all the way and so now He wants me to see opportunities ahead of me. So I prayed to God for more strength to carry out His will for me.  Understanding God in your experience and your relationship with Him matters a whole lot for your growth and so I choose to celebrate the uniqueness of my LIFE.

Have you ever felt like giving up? crawling back into your hole? blocking everyone out and just to sit still doing absolutely nothing?.....yes! I have felt like that and more a few times and in fact, some few weeks back. I just thought, 'why bother, what's the use?' nothing made sense any longer and although I speak with Daddy every second in my 24 hours still I was faced with this challenge. "How do I  get past all these emotions?

Charting my LIFE LINE  has given me that extra boost I craved and therefore giving up is never an option. I now cease making boundaries, or controlling my environment in a bid to protect myself but to look ahead and see freedom knowing even when my world is shaken, I can recall all I have learnt in my LIFE LINE and press forward. 

I encourage you my dear sisters to draw your own LIFE LINE to see how far God has brought you and to have HOPE for a better tomorrow. I will not only survive but I will thrive.

Dear Father, I thank you for my LIFE LINE and although I do not understand why, but in all I have been through I see you Oh Lord! and I know Your plans for my future is bright. THANK YOU JESUS!

BEAUTY OF RESTORATION

The last time I visited the south of france the weather there was great, the atmosphere smelt fresh and it was peaceful, its a great place to go and re-collect your thoughts, you know de-clutter and then re-group.

Most of the houses in france are built with shutters this is to help strengthen the insulation in the winter and summer. As I sat on the porch, I watched my sister in-law do something so incredible and although I was aware of the process, however I was seeing it first hand and it was truly remarkable. My full attention was on the task before my sister in-law as i watch her detach the first shutter off the window frame and then laid it down on a work table. She then began the process of restoration. I tell you when she was done the shutter looked brand new as thou it had just been unwrapped from its packaging.

So I went on a mission seeking to understand the word restoration from a different angle. Deep into my thoughts, it sping forth that's it i thought... the restoration process of a pc . You see when your pc goes all funny inside, you contact the IT support and the person at the other end of the phone will take you through a step by step procedure to restoring your pc back to factory setting. Usually afterwards the performance is much greater than before the restoration occurred because a lot of stored memory have been wiped off alongside some downloaded application. Jeremiah 29:11 "Because the lord knows the plans he has for you is for good and not evil he will allow some situations come your way so that you can gain the knowledge required for the next stage if your life then he will erase all the pain attached and restore you to give you hope for a new future.

Like you i have prayed for healing of my pain, however since i have no control over my circumstances i must trust God. Please hold on don't give up yet the lord is asking you and i prisoners of hope to come back to our place of safety with him where he promises to restore twice as much to us.......Zechariah 9:12. Although the challenges you see in front of you seem as thou it may never end but do not look ahead into the road of challenges but remain focused and don't allow your hearts be troubled  Keep on believing in God for your restoration is now John 14:1.

Understand this, nobody can see your restoration expect you, nobody can want it more except you (Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of the reasons why your son died on my behalf and grant me a willing spirit to carry on and sustain me). Although God is aware of it, he however wants you to constantly remind him of his promises, he wants you to ask for help without fail see luke 18. And since he has promised in Jeremiah 30:17 " I will restore and heal you of your wounds, be sure of this the lord will never let you down.

To be restored back to factory settings, your mind must be willing and since your thoughts  manifest into whom you become(proverbs 23:7) it will do you and I a great deal to think, eat and sleep restoration even on the days when we feel like Stuart little and can bearly carry your cheese and when those around us do not see it too. 

My sisters it is now and I am ready for a full restoration and you should be too. I pray for more grace so that may we accept the lords restoration for our NEW BEGINNING.