MY THANKSGIVING LETTER

On my way to the train station after a visit to my friends, it never occurred to me this would be the day, the day my God had set aside for you to come into my world. Wow! you were tall just the way I liked it and your smile was so bright it lite up inside my heart, your voice was so unique and so pleasant, I just couldn't stop myself from falling for you. Yes, it was definitely Love at first sight and you were my very own, my heart, my all. We began our journey and although the road was rough, our love was so so strong it made the road silky smooth. 

God blessed us so so much with miniature versions of ourselves. We began to grow and to teach them that same love we shared and God was with us all the way. My heart ,you taught me so much, you taught me to be still in all situations and to trust God no matter what. You also taught me never to give up, that was why I believed in my heart that just maybe the hospital will call with fresh news that you were alive again. But I got to understand that our ways are not God's ways. My heart hurts that you are no more and that the only way to physically feel you is to clench unto your shirt tightly and smell you. Hmmmmmmmmm!! God you know best. As you go on this final journey, I bid you farewell. Though those words alone hurt but I know this too shall pass because you taught me that too. You would say to me "don't worry iyawo mi atata(my precious wife), you will be alright babes". I miss you and love you forever. Thank you for the best 13years together, for the beautiful babies and for loving me so much regardless of my flaws. Rest In Peace my baby. I will forever love you....... 

Reading this brought back memories with a chill. Wow! 12 months has passed on so soon, still I am struggling to believe it. I sat down on the 8th of September 2012 through pain, sadness, confusion, anger and tears to put my feelings to paper. It sure has been one very challenging, yet purposeful journey and God never left my side in-fact He became more visible to me than ever. With each passing day, the thoughts of my dear husband became much stronger and I found myself talking about him to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen I guess it was healing for me. Each time I spoke of him, it was as though he was standing right by my side and I was introducing him to the person I was speaking to and although he is gone, his memories are very much present and I thank God for this great gift. 

It's amazing how pretty much everything around me  began to remind me of 'Demo', most especially the kids. As each day went by, I could see my husband in them either in their words or actions and no day went by that we didn't discuss daddy. I would sit in my room often times and cry on behalf of my babies because daddy was no longer in their life and this broke me down so much. But my babies would encourage me that everything would be ok and although I explained my feelings to their understanding yet only I and God truly understood how I was feeling.  One particular day, my little princess said, "mummy, do you know you are so strong you can carry a house?". Hearing this, made me laugh so much and gave me comfort knowing i was able to show her strength through putting my trust in God. And with my son, I could see so much resemblance in him and with each passing day he displayed such maturity literally stepping into the role of the 'man of the house'. 

And as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, God helped me get used to Demola's absence and helped me understand that although everyone seemed to be getting on with life, Demo was very much missed and remembered a great deal. With a heavy heart I began asking God to divert my focus away from the pain and more towards Him. I was eager to find out from God what He expects of me on this journey and God made me understand that all He wants from me is total commitment to His work and knowing this gave me a sense of relief and healing. The challenge I faced was struggling to understand how God expects me to work for Him in my state of mind and with my pretty mixed up emotions. God took care of that too and raised a great support system for me through my in-laws, family, friends, church and even at my place of work. He was constantly around me making sure His daughter was ok. Some days I would just cry and cry because of the never ending WHYs and the WHAT IFs but then God always made sure my support systems were at the other end of the phone  or sitting by me. I am so thankful to Him for His grace, love and most of all His strength because it has carried me through.

My Journey Onwards: 

I look at my life line and I owe it to God and with that I made the decision with the help of God to detach myself one day at a time away from the pain, and in the process God made me understand that if I was to carry on with the work He has for me, I must be willing to let go of the pain that gripped me so much and the fear garment I was clothed in and to trust Him. I also had to quit wanting answers to some nagging questions but to just obey him and although this began to take place, it sure was with a lot of struggle. And when i cry, i still hold on to God knowing its okay to cry but I mustn't drown myself in my tears but I must move swiftly because I still have work to do.I thank God a great deal for this journey and know that its by his grace that I stand and although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone In deed i have seen myself grow through it. I know now that with issues i have no control of, i must simply trust in the one who knows all. 

A word of encouragement 

Wherever you find yourself be thankful, wherever possible make a difference no matter how small and in all your doings work hard and with a pure heart.  

Although there are no guarantees in life, however with God, we are guaranteed HOPE and a second chance because he takes all your experiences and recycles them to bring something great out of us.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."