CONNECTING THE DOTS

As you mature in age, God's plan is that you should also mature in your thinking and in your response to issues all of which come through our experiences. 1 Corinthians 13 : 11 says, " When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me".

From my early twenties all through to my early thirties I got accustomed to doing so many things without God's approval really. I made so many impromptu decisions and learnt valuable priceless lessons from them. In 2010, when I embarked on my journey with cancer, little did I know that God was about to use my journey to help another. I was diagnosed with DCIS stage 1 breast cancer, otherwise known as 'Ductal carcinoma in situ', which is the most common type of non-invasive breast cancer. Back then, it was the scariest and the most challenging place I had ever found myself. In Jeremiah 30:17, God promised to restore our health and heal our wounds. I thank God for that journey now and for healing and restoration. Fast forward to 2012, God used those same experience that I had dreaded to help a young lady whose 2years old daughter was diagnosed with Wilms' tumor (a form of kidney cancer found in children). I vividly  recollect the first day this young lady came into my home looking fragile, weak and  frightened. She looked as though the wind would literally blow her away. Although I was pleased to see her because it had been a while since we last saw each other, I was aware that God was going to do great wonders in her life. Prior to her family relocating, they had lived in the same city as we did and her husband and my husband were best of friends. 

I am grateful for the woman I have become today, because am not the woman I used to be. Gifted with a strong personality, I used to get irritated easily and wouldn't hesitate to speak out my mind, but God changed me a great deal through my personal experiences and although i am still gifted with boldness, I however speak and act in love. I remember when my husband first discussed the issue of her and her daughter coming to stay with us for treatment, my response to my husband was that if it is God's will then we must obey and do our best for her. Through the entire journey, I was able to encourage her and lift her up and I watched as this young lady grew from strength to strength and she became a part of me. I however didn't know that God was still connecting the dots and would later use this lady in my time of need as well. 

This lady was there when my husband passed on and was there for me as only a sister could; in the sad, happy, angry or confused times, she remained and would encourage me through it all. "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them" (Romans 8:28). Like the little children's 'dot to dot book', He connects us to those who would be of help to us, as we also stand to help them (kind of like scratch my back, I scratch yours), although this isn't what God expects of us as He wants us to love selflessly, expecting nothing in return. To fully connect the dots, our attitudes to the situations in our lives matter and works hand in hand with our obedience to Him. 

I am still learning to obey God in every area of my life and each time God throws a test at me. A few days ago, I went swimming with kids and my sister (as I now refer to the young lady) and whilst in the pool, my mini-me went over to the life guard to ask for a water wobble even though she is a great swimmer but I on the other end, needed it. I was watching the conversation when the life guard informed her the wobbles were for swimming lessons alone and so we carried on swimming. In the meantime, another young girl went up to this same life guard to request a wobble as well and he gave her not just one but two wobbles! At this point, as you can imagine, I was fuming, brewing and reciting all I will say to this guy. But God prevented me from going and I thought that was not an acceptable behavior and that we would have to bring ours the next time we came swimming to avoid such. 

Shortly afterwards, the lifeguard walked up towards me and offered my daughter a wobble. I was so thankful that I had listened to God, that I had obeyed Him and held my peace even when it was hurtful. Even though it is a struggle, when God speaks I do my best to act on His instructions and He constantly shows me why "obedience is better than sacrifice". 

As a widow, you are faced with so many decisions but obeying God as you make these decisions is the most important aspect of your better tomorrow. Do not feel rushed to make impromptu decisions seek God and wait to hear from him but be rest assured that your time as a widow now will definitely connect with the dots of your tomorrow.  You may have found yourself here but unsure why hold on , open your heart God is connecting the dots. 

COMFORTER

Have you ever considered taking time out on your own like away from work, business, church, family and yes the kids. Well I have perhaps because I needed time to grief, time to process everything, time to heal, just TIME on my own FULL STOP. But I realized having some time on my own may not have been helpful to me.

Too often I would hear things like "you really have to be strong for the kids" Ok so who's gonna be strong for me I ask myself and then God diverted my attention to 2 Corinthians 1:4 " He comforts us in all our troubles so that we may comfort others in their troubles".  He has promised to send us a comforter who will carry us through (John 14:16) And so whilst we go through our own pain we must remember the kids also bear their own pain although the younger ones may have little memory of Dad. The children come with needs, needs that Daddy could meet, but Daddy won’t be there – today or tomorrow, or ever again but your role now is to comfort and encourage them. A few things we did that helped us through our healing process and still quite helpful.

Devotion Time: 
Yippee is my daughter's response to devotion now, but initially it was a challenge. Some times i wasn't interested in the word of God and so family devotion time was a no no for me. Time they say heals every wound and eventually I began to encourage myself and then the kids.  

Deuteronomy 4:10

"Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.” It was another way of spending time together and tightening our bond. We would discuss what the word of God says about our fears, hurts, pains and  life in general. We would take turns to read, discuss and then relate it to our life. It's amazing because many a times the word for that day would relate with that place where we stood and this brought healing for us all. It is a common practise every night for us now and even when am tired the kids would prompt me.

Missing Daddy

My 7 year old would say things like I want to speak to daddy, i miss daddy and I want to ask him some questions but I can't because he is now an angel. And I would tell her how much we all miss him too and encourage her to write a letter to him or draw some pictures and then put it in an envelope and place it under her pillow and God will read it to him. She would smile and feel happy within. We would discuss the funny memories about daddy and get excited as we spoke with our faces all lit up. All of these helped us through our healing process. 

My Super Hero
We all know the importance of a father in a boys life, don't allow the current situation deprive you from teaching your sons the values of God. All my children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of my children. In righteousness they shall be established; they shall be far from oppression, for they shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near them. (Isaiah 54:13-14) God will raise great role models for them and they shall spring forth and bear fruit. Never forget to talk to them first as a parent then as a friend.

A new look

Finally my sisters, make  it a priority to do things together as a family, make your kids understand you are still a family held together by the love of God. Do something new together like taking a family picture this will symbolise a new beginning and in years to come you would look back with a thankful heart to see how far God has carried you all.