MY THANKSGIVING LETTER

On my way to the train station after a visit to my friends, it never occurred to me this would be the day, the day my God had set aside for you to come into my world. Wow! you were tall just the way I liked it and your smile was so bright it lite up inside my heart, your voice was so unique and so pleasant, I just couldn't stop myself from falling for you. Yes, it was definitely Love at first sight and you were my very own, my heart, my all. We began our journey and although the road was rough, our love was so so strong it made the road silky smooth. 

God blessed us so so much with miniature versions of ourselves. We began to grow and to teach them that same love we shared and God was with us all the way. My heart ,you taught me so much, you taught me to be still in all situations and to trust God no matter what. You also taught me never to give up, that was why I believed in my heart that just maybe the hospital will call with fresh news that you were alive again. But I got to understand that our ways are not God's ways. My heart hurts that you are no more and that the only way to physically feel you is to clench unto your shirt tightly and smell you. Hmmmmmmmmm!! God you know best. As you go on this final journey, I bid you farewell. Though those words alone hurt but I know this too shall pass because you taught me that too. You would say to me "don't worry iyawo mi atata(my precious wife), you will be alright babes". I miss you and love you forever. Thank you for the best 13years together, for the beautiful babies and for loving me so much regardless of my flaws. Rest In Peace my baby. I will forever love you....... 

Reading this brought back memories with a chill. Wow! 12 months has passed on so soon, still I am struggling to believe it. I sat down on the 8th of September 2012 through pain, sadness, confusion, anger and tears to put my feelings to paper. It sure has been one very challenging, yet purposeful journey and God never left my side in-fact He became more visible to me than ever. With each passing day, the thoughts of my dear husband became much stronger and I found myself talking about him to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen I guess it was healing for me. Each time I spoke of him, it was as though he was standing right by my side and I was introducing him to the person I was speaking to and although he is gone, his memories are very much present and I thank God for this great gift. 

It's amazing how pretty much everything around me  began to remind me of 'Demo', most especially the kids. As each day went by, I could see my husband in them either in their words or actions and no day went by that we didn't discuss daddy. I would sit in my room often times and cry on behalf of my babies because daddy was no longer in their life and this broke me down so much. But my babies would encourage me that everything would be ok and although I explained my feelings to their understanding yet only I and God truly understood how I was feeling.  One particular day, my little princess said, "mummy, do you know you are so strong you can carry a house?". Hearing this, made me laugh so much and gave me comfort knowing i was able to show her strength through putting my trust in God. And with my son, I could see so much resemblance in him and with each passing day he displayed such maturity literally stepping into the role of the 'man of the house'. 

And as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, God helped me get used to Demola's absence and helped me understand that although everyone seemed to be getting on with life, Demo was very much missed and remembered a great deal. With a heavy heart I began asking God to divert my focus away from the pain and more towards Him. I was eager to find out from God what He expects of me on this journey and God made me understand that all He wants from me is total commitment to His work and knowing this gave me a sense of relief and healing. The challenge I faced was struggling to understand how God expects me to work for Him in my state of mind and with my pretty mixed up emotions. God took care of that too and raised a great support system for me through my in-laws, family, friends, church and even at my place of work. He was constantly around me making sure His daughter was ok. Some days I would just cry and cry because of the never ending WHYs and the WHAT IFs but then God always made sure my support systems were at the other end of the phone  or sitting by me. I am so thankful to Him for His grace, love and most of all His strength because it has carried me through.

My Journey Onwards: 

I look at my life line and I owe it to God and with that I made the decision with the help of God to detach myself one day at a time away from the pain, and in the process God made me understand that if I was to carry on with the work He has for me, I must be willing to let go of the pain that gripped me so much and the fear garment I was clothed in and to trust Him. I also had to quit wanting answers to some nagging questions but to just obey him and although this began to take place, it sure was with a lot of struggle. And when i cry, i still hold on to God knowing its okay to cry but I mustn't drown myself in my tears but I must move swiftly because I still have work to do.I thank God a great deal for this journey and know that its by his grace that I stand and although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone In deed i have seen myself grow through it. I know now that with issues i have no control of, i must simply trust in the one who knows all. 

A word of encouragement 

Wherever you find yourself be thankful, wherever possible make a difference no matter how small and in all your doings work hard and with a pure heart.  

Although there are no guarantees in life, however with God, we are guaranteed HOPE and a second chance because he takes all your experiences and recycles them to bring something great out of us.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

A HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Growing up I remember my father to be a very strict man and although he had a fun side to him, he also never allowed anyone mess with us. I recollect a particular incident that occurred on the play grounds of my primary school, i forget what age i was then. A boy my age made me cry so badly i believe he was picking on me and so after school when daddy came to get me, I narrated my ordeal to him and Instantly i could see the anger on my fathers face although he tried not to be obvious. The following morning, when daddy dropped me off to school, as usual he walked with me to the play ground and instructed that I point the culprit out to him. Unfortunately for the boy who happen to be playing on the playground at that point in time, daddy took me by my hands and walked in the direction of the boy and on getting there i listened as daddy gave him some good telling off ..." that's my little girl stay away from her"..wow my HERO he was fighting my corner how proud I felt to have a father like  him.

A father's role is to first love his children and as they develop in life teach them about God and the issues of life whilst instilling discipline in them.  I for one am not of the believe that  our children's up bringing is solely the responsibility of the mother, however under our current status i know God is in it with us.

Isaiah 54:13

"All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children."

I thank God for the kind of  father he blessed me with, it is because of his love, teachings and discipline that I have become who I am today. When my son was 4, he would watch daddy do so many great things and often wanted to tag along. An example was the way he played on the PS games along with friends and he craved to be a part of it however he had a lot of learning to do. As he became older he was then able to share in the fun with daddy and although my son always tried hard to beat his teacher at the game. With pride i look at how grown up my son had become, Initially I was worried about the kids after daddy had returned back to God, however God had strengthen them so much to my amazement they matured so fast, they were constantly worried about mummy and wanted mummy to be okay. My son had stepped into his father's place constantly making sure myself and min-me were doing okay, again something daddy had taught him. 

This Father's Day is so different, although we have been blessed with great memories but my heart is in great pain knowing daddy is no more still I must hold unto to God. I called the kids together and i asked how they felt about attending church on fathers day, they  both weren't too keen on the idea very much which is understandable so I have  decided that we will celebrate fathers day like we usually do although in daddy's absence.  We will celebrate the fact that God brought daddy our way and he was indeed a blessing to us and also celebrate my teenage son for been such a wonderful, caring and supportive young man. In the middle of our discussion, i get side tracked for a moment and wished daddy was here to see how grown up his son was and to be proud that his little boy was turning into a great man of God. By default, we have been authorized by God to step into the role of a father, although not under the circumstances that we would have liked it and not forgetting that it is particularly not the easiest of all jobs to do on your own, however he has assured us that we can do all things because of his strength within us (Philippians 4:13) and so we must take on this tasks diligently and ensure we listen as we make these key ingredients a part of our daily lives.

GENUINE LOVE

Our children need so much Love from us, I know it's not so easy. At times I find myself yelling in frustration and my babies will calm me down by telling me they understand why I have the  grumpies and they will reassure me that everything will be okay. Instantly I thank God for their life's indeed  they are a heritage from the Lord.(Psalm 127:3-5)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4)Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7) it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

DISCIPLINE

It is very important that we discipline our children for our peace in the future and for their reward in the kingdom of God and their own contributions to the society.

Proverbs 3:11-12

11) My son, do not hate the Lord's training. Do not object when He corrects you.

12) The Lord trains those He loves. He is like a father; who trains the son he is pleased with." 

Proverbs 13:24

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him disciplines him promptly."

TEACH

We are responsible for teaching our children on ethics, mannerism, responsibility and how to handle situations. As leaders we must lead by our own examples.

Deuteronomy 6: 4-9

4) Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one; 

5) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

6) These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 

7) Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

8) Tie them as symbols on  hands and bind them on your foreheads. 

9) Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.

TIME

Create and spend time with your kids they will remember this for life, although you are now solely responsible for providing for them however do not put in all the extra hours at work and party all night at the expense of yours and their future.

Ephesians 5:15-17

15) Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

16 ) making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

17) Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Finally do not be afraid because our father has promised us that we are for great signs and wonder but we must be obedient and do our part and then watch God keep his promise.

Dear father, 

Your Word says you will be a father to the fatherless and so we come before you today in humility and neediness to ask you to fulfill your promises in the life's of our dear children for their own benefits and for the relief and benefits of us mothers. Many widows go to bed at night overwhelmed and exhausted and hardly able to sleep with their minds working overtime and their stress levels at a high as they take on the work and responsibilities of a father and a mother, please lord do remember your promises to give us  rest. 

I pray for our growing teenagers who are trying to find their place, who battle with so much peer pressure and perhaps do no know how to speak to mummy because she may not understand. Lord secure their salvation and fill their hearts with your scriptures and relief them of any pain or anger they feel and light up their paths so they me see you more as they step into the purpose you have for their lives. 
Thank you lord for answered prayers.