Too often I would hear things like "you really have to be strong for the kids" Ok so who's gonna be strong for me I ask myself and then God diverted my attention to 2 Corinthians 1:4 " He comforts us in all our troubles so that we may comfort others in their troubles". He has promised to send us a comforter who will carry us through (John 14:16) And so whilst we go through our own pain we must remember the kids also bear their own pain although the younger ones may have little memory of Dad. The children come with needs, needs that Daddy could meet, but Daddy won’t be there – today or tomorrow, or ever again but your role now is to comfort and encourage them. A few things we did that helped us through our healing process and still quite helpful.
Devotion Time:
Yippee is my daughter's response to devotion now, but initially it was a challenge. Some times i wasn't interested in the word of God and so family devotion time was a no no for me. Time they say heals every wound and eventually I began to encourage myself and then the kids.
Deuteronomy 4:10
"Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.” It was another way of spending time together and tightening our bond. We would discuss what the word of God says about our fears, hurts, pains and life in general. We would take turns to read, discuss and then relate it to our life. It's amazing because many a times the word for that day would relate with that place where we stood and this brought healing for us all. It is a common practise every night for us now and even when am tired the kids would prompt me.
Missing Daddy
My 7 year old would say things like I want to speak to daddy, i miss daddy and I want to ask him some questions but I can't because he is now an angel. And I would tell her how much we all miss him too and encourage her to write a letter to him or draw some pictures and then put it in an envelope and place it under her pillow and God will read it to him. She would smile and feel happy within. We would discuss the funny memories about daddy and get excited as we spoke with our faces all lit up. All of these helped us through our healing process.
My Super Hero
We all know the importance of a father in a boys life, don't allow the current situation deprive you from teaching your sons the values of God. All my children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of my children. In righteousness they shall be established; they shall be far from oppression, for they shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near them. (Isaiah 54:13-14) God will raise great role models for them and they shall spring forth and bear fruit. Never forget to talk to them first as a parent then as a friend.
My Super Hero
We all know the importance of a father in a boys life, don't allow the current situation deprive you from teaching your sons the values of God. All my children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of my children. In righteousness they shall be established; they shall be far from oppression, for they shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near them. (Isaiah 54:13-14) God will raise great role models for them and they shall spring forth and bear fruit. Never forget to talk to them first as a parent then as a friend.
A new look
Finally my sisters, make it a priority to do things together as a family, make your kids understand you are still a family held together by the love of God. Do something new together like taking a family picture this will symbolise a new beginning and in years to come you would look back with a thankful heart to see how far God has carried you all.
Ummm thank you Layo for this piece,Comforter where do i get my comfort from? the bible, reading his promises to me and my children,i get lifted up.Praying with my children also gives me comfort. Though at times i get worried and wonder,three days ago my daughter was sick and i became worried of what to treat her with(1st aid)for that was what my husband does i dont even know what he normally gives to them that suits their system, but i got comforted after praying with her and claiming those promises Phil 4:6&7.and then there was peace. She is back to school now.
ReplyDeleteLet me say this Layo do you know that in my church gift of food is normally given to widows? When this items were brought to me it made me shed tears again for i thought that my condition calls for this and i begin to pity my condition. I could not help but cry because i just felt pity. Should i now tell them to stop bringing gift to me, its not a matter of pride its not in me but each time i cant help but cry.
My dear I feel your pain, my church did the same. God commanded this should be done. James 1:27 - Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, [and] to keep himself unspotted from the world. Do not feel pity for yourself the Lord has you under his wings
DeleteMy thoughts exactly " Be strong for your kids!", so who will be strong for me? The only comfort is God's words and promises that He has given. Of a truth, we cannot do it alone. We need all the help we can get in raising those children.I just thank God for my parents,they are too much.They have been my pillar of support cos I don't even know what could have happened. I am yet to get over the disorganisation and distress this whole thing caused for me and to now join raising kids alone with it.....We need time to do personal reflections. No matter how small, one needs to take time off to prevent nervous breakdown. Recently,I have discovered a new hobby. I would go on a bus or train ride just to have PEACE in my head.I would look at nature,reflect on God's creation etc.Thank God for the Holyspirit,our Comforter who is also there.Sincerely,I desperately want God to end the pains in my life and give me joy.
ReplyDeleteWow that's great, your mind will de clutter. That's your space of awareness with God.
ReplyDeleteDear Sisters,
ReplyDeleteMay the Almighty comfort you, make His grace abound towards you and give you the kind of peace that would soothe and end your pain(s)...amen!
Amen @ Awero-ade may God bless you.
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