SHE FATHERS

I am thankful for his grace to carry on, even when I sometimes do not feel the urge to. Yet somehow that winning spirit tucked deep within, compels me to do his will at all times. Which is why I feel the need to address some challenging issues women face. As I urge to move forward, my blogging will take a new turn in the hope of motivating you to do the same. 

Motherhood springs a lot of surprises on you some good ones and some challenging ones. The challenging ones can often weigh your spirit down most especially when the support of your husband isn't present, however by his grace you can do all things through him whose strength is within you (Philippians 4:13).

Recently I watched an episode of single mums club on #OprahsLifeClass. A young man was asked  how he felt when his mother tries to teach him to be a man. At first glance, I noticed how well mannered, well spoken, neatly dressed this young man and his younger brother looked and thought wow this mother must be proud of her sons, she has indeed done a great job. Standing side by side with his mother and younger brother he said, "She can't teach me to be a man because she is a woman only my father can teach me to be a man and a father, she however has taught me to love, has natured my brother and I and we are living well and haven't strayed." As he rounded off he then thanked his mother greatly.

The words of this young man touched me as I thought about my own son and what his thoughts might be. I had always looked forward to my son's teenage years because I had heard all sorts from people on raising teenage children and I choose not to be moved but to be lead by God and believing with prayers, love and understanding this phase would be less challenging. Also developing that friendship where they feel free to talk to you will help you understand the challenges your teenager maybe faced with, on their long journey of self discovery. Whilst maintaining an understanding that they are at a pivotal point in their lives, as they are trying to find some sort of balance with themselves and work out what is expected of them at home, church and school. I do remember when my son was much younger I was quick to stop him from talking because I thought he did too much of it. I soon realised that not only was it a gift to him from God but it has also helped us a great deal in building the type of relationship we have today. 

Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,The fruit of the womb is a reward." No matter the challenges, you must be willing to put in all the work to protect your heritage and make them your priority. In order of importance I have placed my children at the very top of my list and have found coming down to my sons level a great help because I am able to understand his feelings on issues and discuss them. Though every so often he lets me know how great it would have been if dad was around so he could share these things with him, never the less we must keep on moving. Although my initial concerns after my husband passed was of taking up the role of  both parents to my children especially my son however, I sort guidance from God because I was aware of my limitations. I asked God to surround my son with God driven role models and friends. I can officially testify that God answered us through his uncles, school teachers, church youth leaders and friends. Yet with this constant role I play and relying on my grounded faith  I believe that with God nothing is impossible because he always makes a way out in situations that look impossible (Matthew 19:26). 

As I have put my trust in God, I have also taught my children the importance of God in our lives through the reading of the word and general discussions of the bible where they are able to learn more about Gods love for his children. It's a very important part of raising children because they learn how to put God first. Likewise spending time with your teenage son is also very important because in return you are teaching him the importance of family. I make time out and get involved in matters dear to the hearts of my children as I encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy. I also help out with school work and at leisure times, I may conjure up a spontaneous dancing session with my daughter which I always love, or partake in a thrilling PS game of football with my son even though he usually beats me at it, and best of all at times just discuss sporting activities he likes.  

Which leads me to a very important aspect of the relationship; Talking, Don't assume all is well, always find out how their day was and what happened at school, ask after their friends and get to know them. You should know the homes to the friends your children keep and also their characters. Likewise it is important that their friends know who you are, what your principles are and set boundaries for your teenagers. My son is aware I do not entertain last minute plans, he must inform me a week ahead so we can roll it into other activities. Which in turn teaches him the importance of been responsible. We really shouldn't take our children for granted but we must honour God through the way we raise them (Proverbs 22:6) so that our later years may be of happiness and peace.

For mothers with toddlers now is the time to build that relationship, although am no expert, I however know when you dedicate your Love and Time into any relationship you will eat the rewards of your hardwork by his grace in time to come. For mothers with teenagers it's not too late, yes you may not have started off  well, do not loose hope go back to his creator and ask for directions( psalm 127:1). The upbringing of a boy child is quite different from a girl child. With a boy child you have to put in that extra work, don't allow the love you have for him blindfold you from laying down rules or from enforcing discipline when needed. When I hear of the many issues faced in christain marriages, I begin to wonder why it's so, as I think there must be a change for our future and it is up to us mothers to initiate these changes now. After all behind every successful man there is a woman, so what is stopping us from raising God following adults that can live out better futures. 

Moving forward, you mustn't allow the fear of failure take you hostage based on the current challenges your son maybe facing. Additionally you mustn't use his father as a yard stick to measure him, instead see the positives in his life and affirm his success in every area, be proud of him always and commit them before God at all times.I know God has equipped us already, we just need to pay attention to his instructions and all will be well.

Finally I am celebrating all mothers out there who have been forced to take up the roles and responsibilities of a father, I know it can't be easy but you are doing such a great job, and you deserve to be celebrated. Keep working hard at it and remember to put God at the centre of it all. (Proverbs 3:5-6).