SHE FATHERS

I am thankful for his grace to carry on, even when I sometimes do not feel the urge to. Yet somehow that winning spirit tucked deep within, compels me to do his will at all times. Which is why I feel the need to address some challenging issues women face. As I urge to move forward, my blogging will take a new turn in the hope of motivating you to do the same. 

Motherhood springs a lot of surprises on you some good ones and some challenging ones. The challenging ones can often weigh your spirit down most especially when the support of your husband isn't present, however by his grace you can do all things through him whose strength is within you (Philippians 4:13).

Recently I watched an episode of single mums club on #OprahsLifeClass. A young man was asked  how he felt when his mother tries to teach him to be a man. At first glance, I noticed how well mannered, well spoken, neatly dressed this young man and his younger brother looked and thought wow this mother must be proud of her sons, she has indeed done a great job. Standing side by side with his mother and younger brother he said, "She can't teach me to be a man because she is a woman only my father can teach me to be a man and a father, she however has taught me to love, has natured my brother and I and we are living well and haven't strayed." As he rounded off he then thanked his mother greatly.

The words of this young man touched me as I thought about my own son and what his thoughts might be. I had always looked forward to my son's teenage years because I had heard all sorts from people on raising teenage children and I choose not to be moved but to be lead by God and believing with prayers, love and understanding this phase would be less challenging. Also developing that friendship where they feel free to talk to you will help you understand the challenges your teenager maybe faced with, on their long journey of self discovery. Whilst maintaining an understanding that they are at a pivotal point in their lives, as they are trying to find some sort of balance with themselves and work out what is expected of them at home, church and school. I do remember when my son was much younger I was quick to stop him from talking because I thought he did too much of it. I soon realised that not only was it a gift to him from God but it has also helped us a great deal in building the type of relationship we have today. 

Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,The fruit of the womb is a reward." No matter the challenges, you must be willing to put in all the work to protect your heritage and make them your priority. In order of importance I have placed my children at the very top of my list and have found coming down to my sons level a great help because I am able to understand his feelings on issues and discuss them. Though every so often he lets me know how great it would have been if dad was around so he could share these things with him, never the less we must keep on moving. Although my initial concerns after my husband passed was of taking up the role of  both parents to my children especially my son however, I sort guidance from God because I was aware of my limitations. I asked God to surround my son with God driven role models and friends. I can officially testify that God answered us through his uncles, school teachers, church youth leaders and friends. Yet with this constant role I play and relying on my grounded faith  I believe that with God nothing is impossible because he always makes a way out in situations that look impossible (Matthew 19:26). 

As I have put my trust in God, I have also taught my children the importance of God in our lives through the reading of the word and general discussions of the bible where they are able to learn more about Gods love for his children. It's a very important part of raising children because they learn how to put God first. Likewise spending time with your teenage son is also very important because in return you are teaching him the importance of family. I make time out and get involved in matters dear to the hearts of my children as I encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy. I also help out with school work and at leisure times, I may conjure up a spontaneous dancing session with my daughter which I always love, or partake in a thrilling PS game of football with my son even though he usually beats me at it, and best of all at times just discuss sporting activities he likes.  

Which leads me to a very important aspect of the relationship; Talking, Don't assume all is well, always find out how their day was and what happened at school, ask after their friends and get to know them. You should know the homes to the friends your children keep and also their characters. Likewise it is important that their friends know who you are, what your principles are and set boundaries for your teenagers. My son is aware I do not entertain last minute plans, he must inform me a week ahead so we can roll it into other activities. Which in turn teaches him the importance of been responsible. We really shouldn't take our children for granted but we must honour God through the way we raise them (Proverbs 22:6) so that our later years may be of happiness and peace.

For mothers with toddlers now is the time to build that relationship, although am no expert, I however know when you dedicate your Love and Time into any relationship you will eat the rewards of your hardwork by his grace in time to come. For mothers with teenagers it's not too late, yes you may not have started off  well, do not loose hope go back to his creator and ask for directions( psalm 127:1). The upbringing of a boy child is quite different from a girl child. With a boy child you have to put in that extra work, don't allow the love you have for him blindfold you from laying down rules or from enforcing discipline when needed. When I hear of the many issues faced in christain marriages, I begin to wonder why it's so, as I think there must be a change for our future and it is up to us mothers to initiate these changes now. After all behind every successful man there is a woman, so what is stopping us from raising God following adults that can live out better futures. 

Moving forward, you mustn't allow the fear of failure take you hostage based on the current challenges your son maybe facing. Additionally you mustn't use his father as a yard stick to measure him, instead see the positives in his life and affirm his success in every area, be proud of him always and commit them before God at all times.I know God has equipped us already, we just need to pay attention to his instructions and all will be well.

Finally I am celebrating all mothers out there who have been forced to take up the roles and responsibilities of a father, I know it can't be easy but you are doing such a great job, and you deserve to be celebrated. Keep working hard at it and remember to put God at the centre of it all. (Proverbs 3:5-6).

THE LINK #1

At my usual health check, the lovely nurse who looked to be in her late forties had a calmness about her as she took my blood pressure. Not sure how we got there but we got personal as she began to talk about her relationship and why there was so much unrest in the world and this was down to the lack of peace in peoples' lives. As I listened on, I interrupted with my own contribution and went on to tell her that the greatest commandment God had set for us was LOVE ( Matthew 22:36-40) I told her i was of the believe that if people would love themselves and others a bit more, the world would be a better place. The nurse disagreed with me instantly dismissing the fact that there was a God.

Not surprised at her comments, I was eager to know why she felt this way and her response was simply, "well, why is the world the way it is if there truly is a God who cares?".  I went on to say that often times we orchestrate these destructions ourselves and secondly if I told her more about my life perhaps that will shake her up a bit and get her wanting to know more about God.  As I got my coat in preparation to leave, I left her with a  final thought  "if she truly wanted to know if God existed, all she needed  to do was ask God to show himself".  As I left her office, I began thinking deeply and trying to understand why anyone would conclude that there was no God. I figured it out, it was the fear of the unknown. How could you possibly serve a God you do not see? That's pretty scary if you think about it because there are a few immediate questions that springs up in mind...who is this God and what is He like, how do you form a relationship with a God you are unable to see, and how do you communicate with him. But you see the link between God and us trusting the unknown is FAITH. Its sort of like knowing you need air to breathe and even when you are unable to see it but we are LINKED in with faith and facts that air is essential to help us breathe.

The deeper I thought, the more sense it made as I linked it all to the journey of widowhood. One common word most widows probably hear is FEAR not. Even the bible makes references to this in Isaiah 54:4-5. Initially after My husband passed on I would hear words like  "you should not be afraid, the lord will strengthen you", and as I heard these words more often my mind drove off in different directions as I thought, "will the ghost of my husband appear to me?, is there something major ahead of me?"  and all other scary thoughts came to mind. Of course those words carried weight because I had just began a journey on a totally new road to the unknown and so fear accompanied me.  With each day having a new fear of its own I just wasn't too sure of what the next 24hr would bring my way and since I was holding unto God I had to trust him to remove the FEAR I was unable to see.

Fear (false evidence appearing real) is an enemy with the tendency to destroy and its main aim is to eat up your peace and prevent you from seeing God's purpose. I am thankful for healing and restoration from God (Jeremiah 30:17). Back in 2010 I was diagnosed with 0 stage of breast cancer. It was a pretty challenging journey for me, I fought a lot of fears initially as I tried to understand why I was placed on this journey. It was huge for me and my family and I needed God's help and he responded to my cry. 

In the midst of it all I made the choice through the help of God to listen only to the positives and not the negatives. When you are faced with challenges its so important you aware of whom you allow into your space, your mind and  your heart as the words they utter can bring LIFE or DEATH to the situation (proverbs 18:12). My brother spoke LIFE into my situation, he said "funmi you must not give into the temptation of fear" and you must be ready to receive your healing. In trying to understand his message I asked if  the temptation of fear was the same as the temptation of adultery and he said yes. From his response I made the decision to change my mindset.

As I journeyed on through my healing I didn't want to sin against God so I battled and fought my fears with his words ( Ephesians 6:11-18).  I was determined to see my healing and so I began to visualise the end of that journey. Everyday I would speak into my breast, speak into my mind and I would dance and rejoice for my healing.  The #Link for me is #FAITH  I trusted God as I dragged all my fears out and made them stand before God, why did I do this, well simply because of the proven facts of what God had done in the past for me and I was certain he wasn't gonna fail now.

You may not see a way out of where you find yourself at the moment but Link on to the almighty God, and with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your request known(Philippians 4:6). Finally Don't forget to thank him for every opportunity that maybe disguised as trials because if He brings you to it He will carry you out of it.

BROKEN PRAISES

I arrived the sunshine state, Miami, Florida and it was as beautiful as I had left it with a lot of similarities to my great country Nigeria, Lagos to be precise. The kids were excited, especially my little girl as it was her first visit. All the memories of my last visit came flooding in as I went through customs. I was determined to enjoy myself with my babies although the thought of my dear hubby came to mind on many occasions. I tried so hard not to think about it but it was a challenge. As we built up on our fun days in Miami with family, I eventually broke my silence to discuss my husband's untimely demise with my Aunt. As much as I tried to fight back the tears I just couldn't. It was really hard and although I knew he was no more, it was still kind of hard believing it and I so wished he was around on this trip with us but life must go on.

The kids enjoyed every bit of their holiday, especially spending time with their cousins. We enjoyed a lot of eating out, day trips, visiting friends and making new friends. My babies needed the break from everything happening around them and am glad they had a good time. As our holiday drew to an end, I felt excited and ready to take on the world again and so our journey back home began. On the flight back, I looked at my watch It was 11:45pm, UK TIME. I was now in the middle of watching THE STOLEN YEARS, an in-flight movie based around love, mistakes and second chances. As the movie drew much of my attention, some aspect of the movie brought back memories, especially the hospital scene when the lady was in a comma. I felt as though it was happening all over again and I recollected the last few days, hours, minutes I spent by my husband's bed side. It was extremely hurtful and I couldn't stop crying and as I cried even more I kept hiding my face away from the kids because I didn't want to break their spirits especially as we proceeded into the new year. Suddenly, over the intercom, I heard the pilot wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR and at this point, I immediately stopped the movie because it was getting too much for me. It seems everything and anything brought reminders and tears. Then I shook myself and said, "Layo, you really can't start a new year like this" so I wiped away my tears and said a prayer of thanksgiving to God for me and my kids and for the gift of life as I looked forward with joy to a great 2014. 

Back home now, and having a serious case of  jet lag,  I sat the kids down to take stock and to write down our target for the new year ahead. I put objectives to paper and at that point I  realised it was time to make my own NEW YEAR resolution. I thought hard and long about it and then decided it has to be THANKSGIVING. I could feel the excitement and joy in my heart as I thought over the past few years and realised how blessed I am. Really! you just can't stop been thankful and so I made a vow to always thank God every single day without complaining. I know it's a challenge but  His grace will keep me on check so I do not miss out on one day of being THANKFUL.

Often times we are tempted to complain about our current state why! Because we don't see the immediate change we want and in so doing we forget temporarily all the good God has blessed us with I am guilty of that also. Yes life is challenging but in my brokenness, and with a thankful heart I will forever praise God.  Even Jesus was thankful  Matthew 11:25 "At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children".

Don't leave the thanksgiving you have for God pending with the hope that someday you could get around it, but instead you must adapt the attitude of thanksgiving even when you are broken and feeling discouraged. If you are unable to find any reasons to thank him well take a good look around you. Or better still when God wakes you up first thing in the morning that should motivate you to get your praise on or when you look at your children and they are a constant source of joy again that's another reason be thankful.

I have formed the habit of looking back at my life line especially when I am discouraged it's my antidote and really God has been faithful and so I enter into the NEW YEAR with fresh determination and zeal to make an impact to my world....

GETTING BACK ON MY FEET

"Lord Keep me busy, keep me active, keep me going in the absence of my dear husband", this is my everyday prayer. Back in the summer my pastor approached me and said, "Layo, I would like you to be the Team leader of the drama group", surprised at his request I said, "wow! that's huge". I went away and prayed to God and He gave me the all clear and so I started work with a group of great people. As I explored further, digging deep into my creative sides, I became extremely busy running God's business and by September we had our first dance performance at the first ever Women Of Dignity magazine launch party in Greater Manchester. We launched a great magazine fully loaded with resources to heal, bless, inform and educate women and I was thankful to have featured in it. By the end of October, another article I wrote was also featured in the October issue of the Genevieve magazine in Nigeria. It was fun and aside from writing articles I saw myself working round the clock; from dance performances to film production where I multi-tasked as the makeup artist, cast member and team leader, not forgetting to mother my babies and also take make up bookings for weddings. Hence, the 3months long silence away from blogging. I am truly thankful to my Father who never leaves nor forsakes me, who answers my prayers in His own time. He truly is the husband, judge and defender of every widow. I am being reassured everyday of His love and so it's important for every widow to remember who they are in Christ. That brings me to the discussion on the treatments widows face around the world.

With a little spare time to hand, I watched a video clip and was deeply sadneed at what I saw. In this video clip, a respectable man in a high place of authority displayed his lack of love, sympathy and welfare for another human begin. As I watched in amazement at the treatment  a poor widow had received from this leader who claimed to have acted out of anger and on the grounds that this poor widow had broken the law by selling at the road side and causing obstruction to others in the process. Although she had done wrong breaking the law, she was obviously trying to survive. However, when you hold a place of authority, matters brought to your attention must be handled  diplomatically. Not only was she publicly humiliated by this leader, he also made her weep as she begged for mercy. My spirt was weakened, unhappy and angered at that point, but then I realized it just shows the level of understanding some people have and just because one is in a high place of authority doesn't mean anything to some people. It's ironic because the man in question is a widower and in a position to make a great difference but he misused the opportunity. It only shows the kind of  treatments widows are prone to.

Although his actions generated controversy, I believed it also raised awareness  to the sufferings widows face around the world, most especially in the 3rd world countries. Honestly, there are many others like him in our churches, at our place of work, in our families and amongst our own dear friends. So what role do you play in the life of a widow? James 1:27, "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after the orphans and the widows in their distress and to keep oneself from begin polluted by the world". As Christians, how many of us pay attention to the widow who seats next to us every Sunday in church and when was the last time you checked in on her and her children just to see how she is doing. Please note that just because she wears a smile each time you see her doesn't necessarily mean all is well. She may not need your food supply but a quick visit, a phone call or a text message just to let her know that she is in your thoughts will surely go a long way.

And to you her dear friends, so her status has changed not because it's her preference but who is she to question God. Don't worsen matters by avoiding her like a  plaque, instead show some love and support all the way. STOP the bad talks, unpleasant words and remember her life should not be your next topic of discussion. She is trusting God and also doing her best with what she has left. Matthew 22:36-40 says, 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Loving your Neigbour as yourself simply means seeing yourself in oneness as you see them. That colleague at work who talks openly about the absence of her dear husband not because she is happy that he is no more, but because she misses him a great deal and her talking about him brings healing to her as we all know, healing is a process.

Dear family members, it's tough enough for her as she tries to navigate her way round the new changes, she is also dealing with the memories she shared with her husband and sometimes it gets all too much for her. Still she must stay strong and look after her children. The last thing she needs is more heart ache and pain from families and loved ones. Your full support will be deeply appreciated. Please, do remember she is the apple of Gods eyes and He will not allow anyone mistreat her. Watch out, God is aware and sees it all and will surely draw judgement upon you...Malachi 3:5

Have it at the back of your mind that widowhood isn't the end of her life line, its only a pause button. God is spending more time with her as He works it all out for her good and when He is done, she will rise again, stronger and greater and His name will be glorified. Whenever you have the opportunity to be a blessing to a widow please do it in love, she may be struggling and trying to get back on her feet. Don't make it harder for her, don't feel sorry for her either, just encourage her and help meet whatever need you can. God still has great use for her and she will finish well.

Sisters, this is to encourage you. Do not despair, God is still on the throne and He has you in his palms. Connect with His words, let his words become your pillar and understand what He says about you and never ever give up no matter what. God fought for the widow as this leader came to his senses, apologized and offered her support. A widow new to the path of widowhood and a widow who has walked the path for over 24years still faces similar challenges, however, it shouldn't be a hindrance to the kind of support we offer. Our job is to Love others without stopping to find out whether they deserve it or not.

"Above all Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."Colossians 3:15

ACTS 29

The past month for me has been the busiest I have ever been. I began to ask myself why the change all of a sudden it was then that I realized that my prayers a few months back has been answered. One of my regular prayers was "God keep me busy so I can stay away from stinking thinking, loneliness and unhappiness." At a point I figured it would be very challenging to move away from my thoughts but I soon realised that as each day approached I was more determined to do God and leave me, and I this has helped me a great deal.

The peace I now experience is so immense and as I move from one task to another I am more focus. Although I can never ever forget my husband and I still have those days when I cry, but not in pain but with the joy of knowing I was married to a great man and I really do miss him. I am at peace knowing God is in control of it all. Of recent, I was approached to produce a write up on widowhood although I don't like the word widow, I however choose to see it differently and so I only too happy to write about my experience knowing it would encourage and support others. I also had to produce another article for another magazine on the issues of breast cancer and although these two journeys were very challenging, however they have made me stronger and increased the faith that I now have in God and helped me to stay focused knowing God is working it all out for me.....Romans 8:28

That moment when I feel I am doing great and I have gained that extra strength to carry on, from nowhere I would bump into someone who knows my hubby but they are not aware that he is no more. And as expected they ask after him because it's been a while they saw him and so in pain I rewind it all again and explain and naturally they begin to cry and that sets me up......Lord why do I have to keep doing this I ask? Psalm 107:2 "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy. So it's my story and I must tell it however the compensation I get telling my story all over again is having to listen to all the great things they say about him and this warms my heart up and I begin to thank God for brining him my way.

I understand that life is gonna hand you something everyday, for some people it's a little and for others it's a lot, however we must take in what we can get out of it and let go of what we can't get out of it and keep moving because it can only get better. How do you want to write your own story.

Lets discuss acts 29: Do you want other young women and young widows to read your story and to know God is still working it out for you, well if your answer is yes like me then It's important you stay on track. It is important you connect with your inner self, it's important you speak to you and tell you that God is working it all out. Being a young widow does not mean your story must end like that, you can however choose to re-write your own story with the help of God and let the world see God as they have never seen him before through you and in you. Acts 29 is your story and how you tell it matters a great deal.

"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth, but the word of our God shall stand for ever". Isaiah 40:8

Let's Pray...
Father I thank you for your grace upon us, it is this grace that has allowed us clench to HOPE for a better tomorrow. I commit all widows into your hands lord, I pray that in spite of  their now, may they see it as an opportunity to finish well in their tomorrow. I pray for prosperity in all areas of their lives lord, may they bear great fruits as Mothers and as individuals and may they constantly be renewed with strength everyday of their lives.

Lord may their lives and the lives of the children bring great joy before you, and may they forever tust in you lord and lean not on their own understanding but acknowledge that with you their stories will be written well.

In Jesus Name I have prayed. 

MY THANKSGIVING LETTER

On my way to the train station after a visit to my friends, it never occurred to me this would be the day, the day my God had set aside for you to come into my world. Wow! you were tall just the way I liked it and your smile was so bright it lite up inside my heart, your voice was so unique and so pleasant, I just couldn't stop myself from falling for you. Yes, it was definitely Love at first sight and you were my very own, my heart, my all. We began our journey and although the road was rough, our love was so so strong it made the road silky smooth. 

God blessed us so so much with miniature versions of ourselves. We began to grow and to teach them that same love we shared and God was with us all the way. My heart ,you taught me so much, you taught me to be still in all situations and to trust God no matter what. You also taught me never to give up, that was why I believed in my heart that just maybe the hospital will call with fresh news that you were alive again. But I got to understand that our ways are not God's ways. My heart hurts that you are no more and that the only way to physically feel you is to clench unto your shirt tightly and smell you. Hmmmmmmmmm!! God you know best. As you go on this final journey, I bid you farewell. Though those words alone hurt but I know this too shall pass because you taught me that too. You would say to me "don't worry iyawo mi atata(my precious wife), you will be alright babes". I miss you and love you forever. Thank you for the best 13years together, for the beautiful babies and for loving me so much regardless of my flaws. Rest In Peace my baby. I will forever love you....... 

Reading this brought back memories with a chill. Wow! 12 months has passed on so soon, still I am struggling to believe it. I sat down on the 8th of September 2012 through pain, sadness, confusion, anger and tears to put my feelings to paper. It sure has been one very challenging, yet purposeful journey and God never left my side in-fact He became more visible to me than ever. With each passing day, the thoughts of my dear husband became much stronger and I found myself talking about him to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen I guess it was healing for me. Each time I spoke of him, it was as though he was standing right by my side and I was introducing him to the person I was speaking to and although he is gone, his memories are very much present and I thank God for this great gift. 

It's amazing how pretty much everything around me  began to remind me of 'Demo', most especially the kids. As each day went by, I could see my husband in them either in their words or actions and no day went by that we didn't discuss daddy. I would sit in my room often times and cry on behalf of my babies because daddy was no longer in their life and this broke me down so much. But my babies would encourage me that everything would be ok and although I explained my feelings to their understanding yet only I and God truly understood how I was feeling.  One particular day, my little princess said, "mummy, do you know you are so strong you can carry a house?". Hearing this, made me laugh so much and gave me comfort knowing i was able to show her strength through putting my trust in God. And with my son, I could see so much resemblance in him and with each passing day he displayed such maturity literally stepping into the role of the 'man of the house'. 

And as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, God helped me get used to Demola's absence and helped me understand that although everyone seemed to be getting on with life, Demo was very much missed and remembered a great deal. With a heavy heart I began asking God to divert my focus away from the pain and more towards Him. I was eager to find out from God what He expects of me on this journey and God made me understand that all He wants from me is total commitment to His work and knowing this gave me a sense of relief and healing. The challenge I faced was struggling to understand how God expects me to work for Him in my state of mind and with my pretty mixed up emotions. God took care of that too and raised a great support system for me through my in-laws, family, friends, church and even at my place of work. He was constantly around me making sure His daughter was ok. Some days I would just cry and cry because of the never ending WHYs and the WHAT IFs but then God always made sure my support systems were at the other end of the phone  or sitting by me. I am so thankful to Him for His grace, love and most of all His strength because it has carried me through.

My Journey Onwards: 

I look at my life line and I owe it to God and with that I made the decision with the help of God to detach myself one day at a time away from the pain, and in the process God made me understand that if I was to carry on with the work He has for me, I must be willing to let go of the pain that gripped me so much and the fear garment I was clothed in and to trust Him. I also had to quit wanting answers to some nagging questions but to just obey him and although this began to take place, it sure was with a lot of struggle. And when i cry, i still hold on to God knowing its okay to cry but I mustn't drown myself in my tears but I must move swiftly because I still have work to do.I thank God a great deal for this journey and know that its by his grace that I stand and although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone In deed i have seen myself grow through it. I know now that with issues i have no control of, i must simply trust in the one who knows all. 

A word of encouragement 

Wherever you find yourself be thankful, wherever possible make a difference no matter how small and in all your doings work hard and with a pure heart.  

Although there are no guarantees in life, however with God, we are guaranteed HOPE and a second chance because he takes all your experiences and recycles them to bring something great out of us.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

MY HEART BEAT

Being awake in the early hours of the morning has somewhat become the new normal for me and as i sat up in bed i went deep into my thoughts wondering why i had so much faith in God with all that i had been through. Was it because the bible had instructed us to do so or was it because i was aware of His supremacy or perhaps i was moved on the testimony of others whatever the reasons it is well worth it. 

Faith can be likened to the heart beat in the sense that we really do need it to stay alive (2nd corithains 5:7) and with all the challenges we face in this world having faith will keep us focused on God and not our challenges. 

A while back I asked a few of my friends what their definition of God was and the answers I got wasn't anything out of the ordinary and although i myself couldn't find a definition suitable enough for this great begin however i was aware that all of these names reflect who God truly is in our life. And since i was unable to come up with a definition for God, i knew who God was by faith and by faith I had seen him do so many extraordinary things in my life including walking me through this journey.

Often times when we are faced with huge challenges one of our thoughts is to just drift away from God perhaps because we wonder why he allowed the challenges our way and so we proceed to question him rather than to have faith and trust him. When reality kicked in at the early stages of my widowhood journey, the encouragement i had received from my family and friends was enormous , however i still had the bulk of the work to do. I needed to encourage me and to stay connected to God by faith even when i didn't feel like it and so in order to stay connected to God i had to believe his every word.  How was i supposed to do that whilst feeling the thorns of widowhood I soon figured it out, it was the healing pill of FAITH and so i was determined. I soon began visualizing the end of my pain, tears, sorrow and unhappiness before I saw the manifestation.  Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see".

I was always  role playing, trying to fit into a strong character as i visualized how stronger i will get after 1month into my journey and believing with each passing day i can actually do it. And as I looked at my life line i could see God in every area of my life and here he was again calling out to me to keep moving. But although the residues of past events seem to always stick out still i was determined to see him. But how can I not put my trust in God I asked myself, how can I not have faith in His supreme power it was the only way out alive. 

As the days finally get closer and closer still in disbelieve that my dear husband is no more, i have seen the manifestation of my faith and it pays to have faith in God. So i have decided to celebrate the gift of life, to be thankful for this journey so far and to continue to have more Faith that he that started a good work in me is more than able to carry it through (Philippians 1:6 )

Prayer

My dear Father,

I thank you for the great gift of Faith, the gift that keeps us alive in the hardest and toughest  of times it is a symbol of your love for us. Your words have told us that alhought a woman may forget her sucking child yet you will never forget us and it is these reasuring words that keep us alive.

Father in times when it seems our HEART BEAT is slowly fading away,may we be resuscitated as we remember the many times you had stood in there for us. Restore our healing hearts so that we may continue to do your will. Thank you Lord for rulling over our lives in Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

HOPE (11 months into widowhood)

A few days ago i was on the phone to my brother in-law and as we shared the great memories of my dear husband I said to him, if someone had sat me down 11 months ago and predicted that on the 7th of September 2012 my beloved husband will meet his creator I was certain that i would have had some sort of physical exchange with such a person. Firstly i would have seen it as the most wicked of all thoughts and secondly why would anyone want me to go on that kind of a journey. I didn't know what to expect after Demola's passing neither did i know i would come this far but Indeed the the word of our God will stand forever (Isaiah 40:8) concerning  us. 

In the past months I have gotten to know myself a lot more and if I were to describe my journey so far I would say:

Widowhood can be compared to the wilderness, in the sense that sometimes you have the hope of getting out alive and other times it seems there simply is no way out and you are been swallowed by quicksand.  Aside from that it also feels as though you are on a never ending roller coaster ride where your emotions sometimes go wild and uncontrollably and on other times they are high with excitement. All of these and more became my personal experiences which drove me deeper in my thoughts as i sought to know whom God really was and if he really existed why then  did he allow this upon me. But you see there is that part in the bible that says before I formed you in your mothers womb I knew of thee ( Jeremiah 1:5) yes that is God's confirmation that before i became aware of  my widowhood journey he knew it will come my way and he made a way out for me. 

As days turned into months I was more determined to work for God, it was my way of thanking God for so much. As i dug deeper into scriptures and realized no matter your challenges it really is up to you with the help of God to get out alive. I became aware that my challenges were out to make me stronger and therefore I  must not allow my challenges create a strong hold in my life because it would have been a recipe for destruction. And since God had confirmed that in the many trials that will come our way he will deliver us from them all (Psalm 34:19) i truly had no option but to trust him a great deal to help me through my own challenges. NOW I know and seriously believe that if  you have no power within you to change the position of your challenges, you must simply let go of them as though they never existed and stop anymore pain from dwelling within your system and just LET GOD.

I stand today with great gratitude towards God for his love, his strength, his eyes which he has given to me that enables me to see the beauty of my challenges and to understand that trials and pain are temporary and with him it can be all wiped off. Although I still have my days when I cry in disbelief that my best friend is no more and still get tempted to ask God why, however today God has made me a much stronger woman. Now i believe the Lord is on this journey with me and constantly he proves himself tremendously in my life. He has placed around me the strongest support system every and has since changed my position a great deal. I no longer feel lost as I did six months ago because God had to heal me and then reposition me to see him much clearer. Now I  see a new me and in my newness I am serving the Lord with a Happy Heart. 

PRAYER

Dear Father,

I say thank you for this journey so far, for the strength you have given to me because left to me it would have been over a long time ago but you made it possible for me to see a new HOPE and so Lord I thank you.

I pray for all other widows who are struggling to get out of the wilderness, my dear father please open their eyes and heart to see that they can do it because you dwell within them. Help them to see your love and a new HOPE and help them to see the beauty in their trials. Dear Lord strengthen them some more to do your will.

In Jesus name I Pray

Amen

Your daughters Behin-D-Veil

BRING IT HOME

Who am I ?

What do I want for my life ?

Where do I start from?

These questions i ask myself every now and then. I meet my husband at age 24, he was easy to like and always made me laugh. In the 14 years of me knowing him, I have  cooked for him, supported him and loved him with all my heart. He was free spirited and often didn't remain angry for a long period of time, he was of great strength and never gave up easily.  We did so much together, and God blessed us with beautiful kids. I was also blessed to have learned so much from him one of which is PATIENCE and how best to respond to issues.

Have you ever heard that saying before God is a God of second chances. Yes indeed he is and has proved it to me over and over again. In the past months I have learnt so much about myself, and still learning. At a recent church event where i happen to have been working with children from the community, as expected when children play often times they are unable to see accidents that may come their way because they are so engulfed in the fun things it is the adult that sees. I noticed a little boy was about to fall of a slide and with my mothers instinct I dive to try to catch him which I did. Unknown to me the little boys mother was watching me and she hurried over to very quickly and asked very rudely that I not touch her child. As I tried explain she cut me off and affirmed what she had said earlier. In shear disbelieve I begin to think and was grateful to God for bringing me this far. Now i am convinced now that with every challenge I experience, I  must seek God's face and allow his leading as i respond to any such challenge. I really do not want to retake the class over and over again.

With my experience through a 12hours surgery where God through the help of the doctors substituted the old for the new,  I remember asking God to open heart so I could hear from him to know what he expected of me in that season. At that time the pain was much and i just couldn't comprehend why me, but little did i know that God was going to give me a second chance and i was to use my experience to raise awareness in the body of christ. Yet again with the passing of my dear husband, God gave me a second chance again but unknown to me God was building my strength level from my previous challenge because he was aware this season will come and I would be in great need. All of my experiences collectively have pushed me further into the arms of God. I am now at the stage in my life where all i want to do is please him with what I have. If you haven't already started, now is the time to discover you, ask God what it is he expects of you and to put to practice all you have acquired through your experiences.

Whatever the challenge you face now, embrace the lessons God wants you to learn from it so that when your second chance comes you will get it right. Your second chance could be a new move, a new Job or Biz, motherhood or even a new relationship but whatever his second chance is for you, embrace it and bring it home as you do your best with the situation and bring glory to the King of Kings. 

Prayer
Lord I thank you for the gift of a second chance and although whilst we go through our different challenges and having no understanding of why we experience them still we are thankful because we know you love us dearly. May we continue to stay focused on your word and be willing to step out in faith without questioning you as we see our second chance as a mighty gift from you and bring glory to you know. 

Amen.

EXACTLY WHERE YOU OUGHT TO BE

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine on the issues of life in general and he narrated the story of a couple who lived in america. They wanted a change because things weren't going well for them and so they locked up and relocated to Australia. But after living in Australia for a few years or so things still didn't happen the way they expected so they decided to return back to America. On arriving back at their home,they had noticed that their property had been cornered off with barb wires and with the presence of heavy military officials on their property.  They proceeded to gain entrance into their property but the officer at the gate informed them that the property no longer belongs to them. The officer then informed the couple that in their absence they found a huge amount of gold buried beneath the property and so the property now belongs to the government.

Often we are tempted to leave where we are to move on because we no longer feel comfortable however what we fail to understand that whilst we find ourselves in such situations,  Gods wants us to embrace the season and do our best with it. Despite the fact that we have been thrown into the deep end and a quick change is not feasible still we must practice the fruits of been patient as we hold on to hope and understanding that God is still at work.

There are times when i feel God is pushing me, driving me forward and yet holding me back perhaps because I am not paying attention to something he has been trying to tell me in my waiting period.  Widowhood is a journey of so many unexpected experiences as one minute you are doing okay and the next minute you are in pursuit of happiness, or you are just simply trying to fit into that place you call home, comfort, peace, joy etc.  I have learnt that in order to move out and move into that place where your heart feels at peace there are a couple of issues one needs to deal with.  

Firstly you must understand that change can't happen over night, it's a process just like being in new birth.A new Christian goes through a process of : 1) wanting a change, 2) accepting Christ as Lord and saviour to initiate the change, 3) identify the behaviours you need to drop, 4) work, more work and yes more work at living your life the way Christ expects you to. 

Secondly you must appreciate who you are and see great potentials in you. The greatest challenge you face stares back at you when you look in your mirror everyday. I constantly find ways to better myself and although this can be challenging at the moment still I press on. There are so many things you can do to better yourself whilst you wait. You are a work in progress and the death of your hubby isn't the end even when it feels like that. Try some of these if you don't already practise it.

1) Read a book everyday
2) draw up an everyday to-do list
3) overcome your fear(it's not always as you see it)
4) learn something new(hobbie, craft, language)
5) have a plan in place( for you and your kids)
6) free yourself from your comfort zone(I believe God has already initiated this)
And finally be thankful everyday for even the smallest of things

Thirdly, you have been given the ability and authority to change the world.. Really you have nothing to loose and you will never know if you don't try. Speak to yourself everyday. 

Genesis 1:28

²⁸ And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Prayer

Thank you lord for my purpose in life, although I am not where I should be or perhaps I wasn't designed for this still I say thank you. Lord I pray that you keep me focused as I remember that everything works out for the good of those who love God and for those who are called according to his purpose. Lord help to remain calm but not to be in a hurry to see changes so that I may do your will according to how you have designed them.

Thank you father
Amen.

TAKE IT BY FORCE

It started last week thursday when I began feeling so low in my spirit and it felt as though the home going of my husband literally just happened a few hours ago. I was discouraged, hurting and overwhelmed and it seemed all of my strength had been drained out of me.  I just could not understand it any longer and even when my kids kept on reassuring me that all will be well, it really didn't feel like that to me. "When Lord, when I asked ?"  I was loosing hope, I was getting angry at my husband for leaving without prior warning; I was lost and I just didn't get it. 

I was feeling really at my lowest and I needed God so desperately although i didnt want to, some how i managed to get myself into church on sunday. I guess God needed me to be at his house, its amazing how God reassures me constantly of his love in the simplest of ways any how i had missed out on the weekly text informing us that the three days "TAKE IT BY FORCE" conference was schedulled to start on sunday. I managed to stay right through the service to the very end and I was glad i did because i left feeling better although it was but for a short period of time because in reality, I was feeling worse off  although I still had hope.

 I  decided yet again to drag myself on the 2nd day of the conference despite my feeling low.By now I was literally so broken down that I cried so much in church like I did on the day I was informed of my husband's passing. Really I had exhausted my reserve and had no strength left in me. 
So I'm in church crying and praising God, and seeking his face when I experienced my turning point as the man of God read from Psalms 102 :13 which says:
'You will arise and have mercy on "Layo", for the time to favour her, yes the set time is come'. As the man of God carried on with prayers, he began to speak on some recent occurance that was close to his heart and as I listened on, it was as though God gave this man of God the power to see through my heart. I was amazed to hear him speak about women, cancer and the church. Aside from  the pain that i was feeling from missing hubby, this man of God touched up on issues dear to my heart and all I could hear was God saying, 'my dear daughter, I know your pain and I see your heart and the purpose I have for you will come forth'. Immediately, I regained strength and I began thanking God for speaking through this man of God. My inital pain disappeared as I focused on the words been preached, yet again God was confirming my thoughts on the importance of the church with the issue cancer.


i have found out that a preoccupied mind on positive issues leaves no room for hurt. i find that taking you mind of your worries and focusing on the needs of others brings healing.  You cannot take your worries to God and then collect them back by spending time with them, you have got to let go and let God. When you pray for others be rest assured God is working on your  issues not forgetting he already knows all there is to know about you and will answer before you even speak.

By the end of the "TAKE IT BY FORCE" conference I was so encouraged and at peace with myself knowing God has equiped me with even more strength. He wants me to draw a cross over my pain and keep moving, he has given you the will power to "TAKE IT BY FORCE". Go and take your joy, your peace, your happiness, your breakthrough whatever God has in store for you, its for the taking.


Prayer

Dear father, 

I thank you for great grace, and for your undilutted love and strength to carry on. Father I pray in our discouraging times may we open our eyes to see the little reminders you have set before us, the reminders that we can do all through you. May we also remember that you have given us the authority to take and posses that which is ours and through it bring glory to your name and may we forever be greatful.

Thank you Father.
Your daughters Behin-D-Veil

       

OPEN LETTER TO GOD

I know " weeping may endure for a night, Joy shall indeed come in the morning" Psalm 30:5. Although this painful journey seems non ending still I trust God because he is faithful and indeed he shows up. When ever I feel the burden weighing me down, before I speak God sends me a resasuring sign.

No matter what you face today, please hold unto God, trust him because he will never fail you.


Dear Father,

Thank you for strength in our time of need, may we forever be greatful to you Lord as we remember all the good you have done in our life's. May we see the not so good as a pathway to new beginnings and trust you as we go on the journey.

Your daughters Behin-D-Veil.

A HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Growing up I remember my father to be a very strict man and although he had a fun side to him, he also never allowed anyone mess with us. I recollect a particular incident that occurred on the play grounds of my primary school, i forget what age i was then. A boy my age made me cry so badly i believe he was picking on me and so after school when daddy came to get me, I narrated my ordeal to him and Instantly i could see the anger on my fathers face although he tried not to be obvious. The following morning, when daddy dropped me off to school, as usual he walked with me to the play ground and instructed that I point the culprit out to him. Unfortunately for the boy who happen to be playing on the playground at that point in time, daddy took me by my hands and walked in the direction of the boy and on getting there i listened as daddy gave him some good telling off ..." that's my little girl stay away from her"..wow my HERO he was fighting my corner how proud I felt to have a father like  him.

A father's role is to first love his children and as they develop in life teach them about God and the issues of life whilst instilling discipline in them.  I for one am not of the believe that  our children's up bringing is solely the responsibility of the mother, however under our current status i know God is in it with us.

Isaiah 54:13

"All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children."

I thank God for the kind of  father he blessed me with, it is because of his love, teachings and discipline that I have become who I am today. When my son was 4, he would watch daddy do so many great things and often wanted to tag along. An example was the way he played on the PS games along with friends and he craved to be a part of it however he had a lot of learning to do. As he became older he was then able to share in the fun with daddy and although my son always tried hard to beat his teacher at the game. With pride i look at how grown up my son had become, Initially I was worried about the kids after daddy had returned back to God, however God had strengthen them so much to my amazement they matured so fast, they were constantly worried about mummy and wanted mummy to be okay. My son had stepped into his father's place constantly making sure myself and min-me were doing okay, again something daddy had taught him. 

This Father's Day is so different, although we have been blessed with great memories but my heart is in great pain knowing daddy is no more still I must hold unto to God. I called the kids together and i asked how they felt about attending church on fathers day, they  both weren't too keen on the idea very much which is understandable so I have  decided that we will celebrate fathers day like we usually do although in daddy's absence.  We will celebrate the fact that God brought daddy our way and he was indeed a blessing to us and also celebrate my teenage son for been such a wonderful, caring and supportive young man. In the middle of our discussion, i get side tracked for a moment and wished daddy was here to see how grown up his son was and to be proud that his little boy was turning into a great man of God. By default, we have been authorized by God to step into the role of a father, although not under the circumstances that we would have liked it and not forgetting that it is particularly not the easiest of all jobs to do on your own, however he has assured us that we can do all things because of his strength within us (Philippians 4:13) and so we must take on this tasks diligently and ensure we listen as we make these key ingredients a part of our daily lives.

GENUINE LOVE

Our children need so much Love from us, I know it's not so easy. At times I find myself yelling in frustration and my babies will calm me down by telling me they understand why I have the  grumpies and they will reassure me that everything will be okay. Instantly I thank God for their life's indeed  they are a heritage from the Lord.(Psalm 127:3-5)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4)Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7) it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

DISCIPLINE

It is very important that we discipline our children for our peace in the future and for their reward in the kingdom of God and their own contributions to the society.

Proverbs 3:11-12

11) My son, do not hate the Lord's training. Do not object when He corrects you.

12) The Lord trains those He loves. He is like a father; who trains the son he is pleased with." 

Proverbs 13:24

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him disciplines him promptly."

TEACH

We are responsible for teaching our children on ethics, mannerism, responsibility and how to handle situations. As leaders we must lead by our own examples.

Deuteronomy 6: 4-9

4) Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one; 

5) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

6) These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 

7) Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

8) Tie them as symbols on  hands and bind them on your foreheads. 

9) Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.

TIME

Create and spend time with your kids they will remember this for life, although you are now solely responsible for providing for them however do not put in all the extra hours at work and party all night at the expense of yours and their future.

Ephesians 5:15-17

15) Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

16 ) making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

17) Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Finally do not be afraid because our father has promised us that we are for great signs and wonder but we must be obedient and do our part and then watch God keep his promise.

Dear father, 

Your Word says you will be a father to the fatherless and so we come before you today in humility and neediness to ask you to fulfill your promises in the life's of our dear children for their own benefits and for the relief and benefits of us mothers. Many widows go to bed at night overwhelmed and exhausted and hardly able to sleep with their minds working overtime and their stress levels at a high as they take on the work and responsibilities of a father and a mother, please lord do remember your promises to give us  rest. 

I pray for our growing teenagers who are trying to find their place, who battle with so much peer pressure and perhaps do no know how to speak to mummy because she may not understand. Lord secure their salvation and fill their hearts with your scriptures and relief them of any pain or anger they feel and light up their paths so they me see you more as they step into the purpose you have for their lives. 
Thank you lord for answered prayers.